Triggers - Feelings Vs Fear

Every story in our head can be rewritten. In life, each moment we are breathing, it's another chance to course correct.

Negative emotions, so many of us, we run from them. We hide behind food, alcohol, pills, etc. We run in fear from feeling. We don't have to live on that vibration though. We can chart a different way of deliberate intent. We can co-create anything we get into alignment with.

The key to getting there though, it's the feeling. The feeling is what sets us free. Don't be afraid to feel. To navigate it. To grow through it. Our feelings create our life because they send out our belief system into the Universe. The best part of feeling, is owning it. Of allowing it to just be as it is. Once we know what doesn't feel good, we can get about the business of creating what feels right. Trust and believe, it can all serve your greater good. If you let it. FEEL.

Remember that. I love you.
🙏📿☮️💫💙📚📼💽🔊

Walking The Talk - Faith > Fear

While visiting with my sweet friend Serena today, a friend whom I'd not seen since high school that I'd reconnected with on Facebook, she brought up a "name" in our mix of conversation, a simple inquiry as to how that person in question was. Immediately, as in micro-expression immediately, my energy shifted, and it was ridiculously apparent (in a good way) that the person she was asking about has an effect on my being unlike any other person in my world right now.  And, as much as I've tried of late to stuff that away, and NOT acknowledge it, more and more people seem to cross my path or our paths inquiring as to what's going on in my life with said person.

My initial knee jerk reaction is that it's NOT what they think they see or observe. I almost feel like that story about how God throws pebbles to get your attention, and then you don't listen, so it becomes rocks, then bricks, and then boulders! It's one thing if one person says it. Or, when one of your psychic medium friends says it came through a conversation she was having gardening, and you're soooooo head over heals elsewhere, you're rolling your eyes on the phone muttering to yourself "whatever, he's wrong chica, it's not like that, you'll see" seven months ago. But, it's an entirely another thing when they say it, the deceased say it, and then a long ass line of random, not so random friends and acquaintances say it. Over, and over, and over again.

Maybe I'm blind. Maybe I'm so wrapped up in my family, my work, my health and the music and nature that sustains me, that I'm just not focused on it. Maybe I can't let what they see into my psyche, because I feel that I'm not ready for that kind of a connection with another person right now.  

When peppered with the endless questions as of late, my brutal and honest answers have been, "I don't really know. They're not typically my type or someone I would covet, I don't date '_________' (profession), I just adore them. No, really. (straight face) I never date them, I just love on them. Shocker, I know. However, I do understand what you're saying about the energy. There is something there that binds us, that I can't articulate or put my finger on, an easiness and flow...." followed by "Yeah, you're certainly not the first person to say that or ask that or comment on your observations either. Seriously though, I really don't know. I do love them, and would do anything for them, but they're not even my *type*, and it's not a romantic love."

I do "know" though. No matter how much I deny it, I flipping know.  It's been creeping up on me like a dang stealthy ninja. I also know the timing isn't right to even think about the possibility of it. So, why am I griping about timing?

Simply because I know that I'm using the next year of my life to get a strong handle on this Lipedema thing, the one single thing that holds me back from thinking I'm worthy of what I want in life, which is for someone to see me for the beautiful and amazing human being that I am, and to love me fearlessly and protect me steadfastly to the ends of the earth. There. I said it. I look at the package, of what this fat disease has done to my body, and it makes me fucking cringe. Bad. So, because it makes me cringe, I allow myself to believe and accept that it makes males cringe too. Therein lies my greatest obstacle at present, thinking that I'm limited by something I have zero control over, that's hereditary with no real cure, and going to be with me until the moment I take my last breath. Something that I also believe I can change. Just google images of Amanda Arlauskas. She was diagnosed on The Biggest Loser Season 9 with Lipedema. That diagnosis wasn't televised, but it explained to her why some fat just isn't going to go anywhere without a special type of surgery that back then was only practiced outside of the USA. Granted, girlfriend doesn't have my calves (which one is equal to the circumference of my waist, wrap your head around that bullshit), but still, she's an inspiration to all Lipedema ladies worldwide.

So, in following my own advice, I have to ask myself hard questions. Maybe fear is driving the wheel versus faith. Maybe I've lost so many, and so much the last few years, that in the back of my head, I know that grief is in equal measure to that which we love. Maybe I'm afraid to get close, to love and to possibly lose. Not because it doesn't work out, but because they die. Maybe I'm so put off by this energy that I question whether or not it's real, or if it's what everyone else thinks they see. Yeah, I must be blind. Or in denial. Either way, that's not healthy either.

The stroke in December taught me that I love A LOT of people in my life and in turn, A LOT of people love me. I've never been one to easily allow other people's love in though, even though I fearlessly love upon others. It's just how I'm made and I work every darn day to allow reciprocal relationships into my life. In fact, 2015 was the year of the reciprocal relationship. I told myself I was pruning away anyone and everyone that didn't cut it, who wouldn't do for me as I would do for them. It was tough and I let go of people I wanted to hang onto who weren't healthy for me.

Knowing how easy it is to lose, I know that life is special and fleeting. That time waits for no one, and that we have to follow our pulls in life, both with friends and with lovers. Many people say they want to be in a relationship with a best friend, to have that bond. I have many male friends, some of whom are best friends and in all honesty, I'm not "pulled" towards any of them in that way that would one day pull us out of the friend zone. As for my "different energy" friend that everyone is squawking about, I consider myself dang special to have that kind of friend in my life, someone who others say makes me glow or float about my day-to-day art of living simply because of that energy and our unexplained connection.  

You see, I knew when two of my departed friends left this world that somehow, someway, someone (or two, or three) would come along to light up those dark and empty places that they left behind in me. That one day I'd meet a new metaphysical junkie, a new muse, a new creative force, and a new fan of Knowing's writings/my work/downloads/nudges. I just didn't know it might all be the same person. Ooooppps. Good one gentlemen, good one. You got me there.  

People have come and gone in my life, and those I care for the most, my tribe, they've become lifers. I collect them, cherishing those things about them that make them special and beautiful as people. It's been written by many astrology experts that Aquarians have issues with confusing love and friendship. To that I say, why can't one have both? Why can't happily ever after be a progression of both? There's no rhyme or reason to energies and affairs of the heart. What will be will be and when you "know"....you freaking "know."  Yet, I'm over here in serious denial, or blissfully unaware. Then again, maybe I'm not supposed to "know" when it comes to this one. Maybe the "knowing" is blocked in that area so that I don't analyze it to the point of paralysis, or jump the gun.

At least it will help in that I'm also not a "chaser" either, meaning if someone wants something more from me than a friendship, I'm not the one whose going to pursue it. I'm old fashioned like that. If a man has an interest, he'll show it. If I have an interest, I'll reciprocate. It really is as simple as that. See, I live my life using the things I share with others as my tools for survival: Intention, trust, intuition and belief.  

I intend to love myself fearlessly and protect myself to the ends of the earth first, before I can allow another to do the same. I trust that the Universe is going to manifest someone who is as intoxicated with me as I am with them. I sense that when it happens, that I'll feel it from within or it will be so evident that I can't hide it, which might be what happened today within that micro-expression and energy shift. I believe that it's possible, and that I'm worthy of that kind of life long connection. The kind that makes you better because you heal. Because you want to shine bright and be your best self simply because someone else is there with you, sharing that journey who inspires you to do so. Someone you learn from and lean on, and someone you in turn reciprocate all those traits back towards. Someone who can receive the love you have to give, as well as give it. In the end, I think we're all worth this. Remember that. I love you.

Copyright ©2016 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

The Mirror: Relationships 101 - A Litmus Test

As a survivor of narcissistic, psychopathic and sociopathic abuse, I learned A LOT by screwing up my own life to be able to pound these keys to share the following.  Adding to that decade of wrong choices is two decades of working with clients going through divorces and planning their estates.  Lets just say that I have a very directed point of view about what does and doesn't work in relationships.  

I'm back to this area of life sharing because I have a few friends struggling to stay afloat in the rapids of significant other love.  One is trying to leave a narcissist and sociopath whom they share a child with.  Another is repeating low self worth behaviors with a new abuser.  One has a lazy partner who doesn't know how to covet what he wants and projects his own insecurities upon her.  And another is so desperate to be loved, honored and cherished that they've been blinded by what is versus what they want and actually deserve.  I mean damn, was I just not writing in my last blog about my own journey in remembering and letting go of someone who wasn't there for my greater good?  That's how this life is though.  It brings to the forefront people I love seeking comfort, guidance and advice of things that mirror mine or another's evolution of self.  I get to receive downloads and inspired thoughts for them, who are in effect being used as a tool to teach another person I love, sometimes even myself.

As you embark upon the last two months of this year, I really want you to connect with what's coming through right now for each of you below.  To listen and receive what's pulling on you in your life that deserves your attention.  That way, when we greet 2016, you will have set yourself up for your best year of sorting yet in Life Department Love.  Sit down.  Light some Nag.  Walk on the shore. Absorb what I'm about to say.  Then act damn it.  ACT.  You are far too precious in this world to not know these things and those with children, they are watching and learning what we do.

Ladies and gentlemen, if the person in your life doesn't bring you peace, understanding and grace, they're not there in your life to fix those things in them.  They're there in your life to remind you of what you don't want.  Of what you don't deserve.  Of what you're working towards.  Those of you who know me understand that although I'm not a religious person, that I do love God and take away from the Bible many of its Universal teachings.  One that I've learned to apply in my own life is from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  The one that says...

What I basically do now with everyone allowed personal time with me is to hold them to this standard.  Friends, coworkers, family and lovers; no one is immune from it.  I just replace their name with the word Love and see if the person measures up to be worthy of my efforts, time and attention.  So, ask yourself these hard questions and be open to prune away those not serving your greatest good.  Some will need to be gone for good.  Others you'll need to learn how to put healthy boundaries in place for.  After all, we can't pick new fruit if our hands are full of that which is rotten.

1.  Is he/she patient?

We're not talking the typical Nita wants what she wants, when she wants it, today is for the living, where was I again when patience was given away as a virtue?  We're talking about you and your evolution of self.  Do the people in your life allow for your own personal growth?  Do they stay the course?  Do they know how to wait on God to do his work through you and in you?

2.  Is he/she kind?

Hello! Stop sign!  This is not about when someone wants something from you.  Is the person kind?  To animals.  To others.  To that pain in the ass who just cut them off in traffic when they've already had a crazy stressful day.  How does this person handle stress and the day-to-day art of living?  Are they mean or do they strive to lead with love and be kind?

3.  Is he/she jealous?

We're not talking territorial here.  We're talking flat out lack of self esteem and self worth envy. The not believing or knowing one's worth.  The being driven by fear of loss to not trust with every fiber of your being that this person in your life is there for a reason, and even if that reason doesn't last, their lessons left upon your life will IF YOU ALLOW THEM TO.

4.  Does he/she boast?

Boasting is ego rooted.  It comes from a lack of connection to source.  Of not understanding the laws of intention, attraction and action.  Boasting comes from a lack of sense of self.  Humble people know they have God given talents and can be amusing in their assertions, but when it comes down to it, they won't take credit for what flows through them to help another.  They sow seeds of good deeds not for praise, but for what they're doing.  Simply to be a light.  To do good in the world for another.

5.  Is he/she proud?

This is not about "I met my sales goals last month.  Whoo hoo!" or "Hello my friend, do I not have the best ever magic hands?" or "Mom, I'm on the honor roll again (hint hint, where's my money)."  This is about people who have a lack of self esteem and self worth who build themselves upon being prideful.  They don't get that just being themselves IS ENOUGH.  That being patient, kind and loving is enough.  Again, boasting is rooted in a lack of self worth.  It's a caution sign of sorts in dealing with other people and operates much like jealousy and pride.  All of these things are rooted in fear and lack.

6.  Does he/she easily anger?

While some moodiness is chemical in nature, most is attitude and a lack of regard for others.  A lack of golden rule living in the heat of the moment kind of thing.  Note the word EASILY above.  Is he/she thick skinned?  Can they navigate the world in such a way that little things aren't big things? Anger is a symptom of other issues.  It's a trigger for change needed and a reflection of fear.  Anger is often about control.  Those who anger easily have much personal evolution to work on and remember, it's NOT YOUR ROLE to fix them.  That's between them and God.

7.  Does he/she keep a record of your wrongs?

Oh yes, the laundry list.  You know, that list that comes out each and every time a new issue comes up that needs discussion and growth in.  The record of every mistake you ever made or personality flaw you've ever had with the other person.  Score keeping is rooted in control.  It's a way for a person to feel at home in a victim role.  It's how those with a lack of sense of worth and self navigate their broken world. The opposite is letting go of wrongs, of knowing we're all human and here to fail and make mistakes.  We're not a definition of those mistakes, we're a definition of who we allow ourselves to become in light of them.

8.  Does he/she delight in suffering?

Wallow in negative things?  Hurt other people?  All of which could be considered evil.  My mom has a great saying, "Some people have a need to suffer."  That's their path.  Not mine.  Not yours.  Not your employees.  They just don't know how to survive without creating chaos.  Their entire identity is about the struggle or their victimhood.

9.  Does he/she rejoice when truth is spoken?

When the Universal Knowledge of life flows?  When one graciously with love corrects or points out an unsavory behavior?  Or does the person fight you tooth and nail, dancing with denial, projecting their own issues upon you?  None of us like to be corrected.  None of us like to learn that we're hurting another person.  Denial is a defensive mechanism of learning truth.  Trust me, and look me in the eye when I say this, YOU WILL REPEAT YOUR MISTAKES UNTIL YOU LEARN THE LESSONS IN THEM.  So will others.  This is when we REALLY have to work on our egos to lead with love. To humbly accept another's opinion of where we're going ary and to ask God and our guides for guidance in showing us the truth behind them, including where we can improve as people.

10.  Does he/she protect you?

When you're not on your A game, do they help to guide you?  Does the person remind you of your hurts so that you don't repeat them?  Do they help you pivot your thoughts to those that are empowering versus damaging to your being?  Do they protect you?  From the world, but mostly from yourself?

11.  Does he/she have unwavering trust in you?

Life is too finite to live it with people who don't trust and believe in you.  We have an obligation to be honest and unfiltered first.  We must own who we are, flaws and all, before we can trust in another.  We must see the beauty in imperfection within ourselves before we can trust it in another.  Once we get this lesson, it's so much easier to sort the people in our lives who trust in us.

12.  Does he/she always have a hopeful attitude?

Are they a positive in your life?  Do they help you to pivot your thoughts away from what some term "evil" which is basically any negative thought that defeats all your glory?  This is where trusting themselves comes in.  If one can trust, it's much easier to be hopeful.  Hope of better days is what gets us going in the darkness of life.  Dark doesn't like light in biblical terms.  Things can't grow in the darkness until they've adapted to do so for millions if not billions of years of evolution.  We're homosapians, not miracle workers.  We grow and thrive in the light.  Hope is light.

13.  Does he/she work to preserve you?

Again, are the people in your life looking out for your greater good?  Do they actually do the work and say the words that preserve what's right and good about you?  Your work ethic.  Your being.  Your example to the world.  Are they for you or are they against you?  Don't settle for anything less than someone who can see right through you and still believe in your highest good.  Someone who treasures what you bring to the table of their life.  Someone who inspires you to save yourself because again, we cannot fix each other.  We just simply get to be part of their toolbox and blueprint going forward.  Know the difference.  God/The Universe help people to fix themselves.  Not us.  Yes, I'm being repetitive.  That's how we learn.  Remember that.  I love you.

Copyright ©2015 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.    

Help (Not) Wanted

Had an interesting turn of events as of late.  A lovely reminder of that which I walked away from so long ago.  Ungrateful people.  A situation arose in my life wherein I offered help, it was initially accepted, and then once it was successful, abruptly disregarded.  All of which was on a voluntary basis and all of which was for the greater good of someone innocent and in dire need.

At first I was appalled.  I was shocked and saddened to see the tides turn so quickly, to see the power trip arise from within another, the person in question being helped.  All I could do was shake my head in disbelief.  No matter how many ways I tried to explain the logic behind what was being accomplished, I was met with ignorance and blatant disregard.  I sort of liken it to someone complaining about their health while waiting in the drive through at their favorite fast food place that they frequent.  It was that ridiculously asinine.  It taught me to remember that, "No Nita, you REALLY can't fix stupid!"  Even when you try repeatedly to educate it and cite various resources for that knowledge.  

So, I had a choice when faced with this idiotic behavior.  Dig my heels in and fight those who were acting out of line, or cut them out and let them go about their lives wondering why they're wasting money on things that aren't working for them.  All the while they're playing victim and complaining to anyone who will listen about the same.  Indeed, you learn very quickly that other people's paths aren't your concern.  Only your own.  Let me repeat that, ONLY YOUR OWN.

You know in your heart and mind what's true and what's lies.  You also know where your intentions lay and what you were trying to accomplish.  We DO NOT control other people, even when we have the best of intentions and knowledge to share.  Everyone here is just bobbing along of their own will and intents.  That's where grace and acceptance come in.  Having the where with all to see what's really going on and being educated enough to just let it go, recognizing that it's not your battle to fight or overcome, is absolutely priceless.  People are who they are; good, bad or indifferent.  Some get drunk on the attention they can get from being of use to another.  Others enjoy making a difference without a stitch of notoriety for their good deeds.  One in all honesty isn't any better than the other.  They're just different.

In the end, our differences are what make us so wonderful.  We learn so much through contrast, experiencing that which we don't want to be, endure or believe in.  I believe in the goodness within all of us and I've seen some amazing people do some beautiful things this past month.  In the end, I learned that no matter how much you try and help those you have an investment in, that they first have to be willing to help themselves.  Without doing so, they never learn; and that's okay.  Not everyone in life is going to be open or ready for the next chapter of their lives.  Nonetheless, that doesn't mean however that you stop writing your own.  Remember that.  I love you.

Copyright ©2015 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed. 

    

Time, Acceptance & The Resistance Within

It's been said that time heals all wounds.  Really?  Time?  That illusion we create in this three dimensional living?  That idea that we cling to, organizing our moments in form?  No, really, time? Yes, time they say.  Well, I call bullshit.  Yes, yes I do.  

You know what really heals wounds?  Acceptance.  I'm not talking about "oh, it's okay that so and so did this" or "oh, it's not a big deal that I did whatever to whomever."  That's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about the kind of acceptance that's so deep rooted in one's psyche that it's really a form of peace.  A way of living.  A decision to allow that which has happened (or hasn't happened) a way to just be.  A way of separating our self worth from the experiences that grow us and a way of knowing.  

When we accept what is in our lives, we tend not to stay stranded in resistance.  We are then open to the process of healing.  When we accept that our circumstances and the people in our lives are there as teachers and mirrors, all that we endure changes its influence upon us.  When we understand that life is a series of experiences and lessons, we tend to be more forgiving of the process and in turn, of ourselves.  

Acceptance doesn't mean that we get to play victim.  It means that we're in tune with what's going on.  It's a way of allowing.  A way of opening ourselves up to what's next.  Not accepting is nothing more than a game of endless ping pong.  A back and forth in the struggle.  A game we play to torment ourselves.  Seriously, stop that behavior.  Be still.  Listen to what's going on inside of yourself.  Pay attention to where your mind races off to.  Does it feel good?  Probably not.  Whala, your first sign post along the way is that icky feeling.  Pay close attention to it.  Wake up.  

Now you have the power to change it.  Whatever is holding you in bondage, whatever "could of, should of, and would ofs" you're navigating, allow yourself this day to set it aside.  Just ask yourself, is this true?  Does this define me?  What do thinking these thoughts create in my life?  Am I working towards peace or am I working towards self torment?  

I'll be the first to tell you that we are indeed our own worst enemies.  I am also here to tell you that we are in kind our own best saviors.  Now, before everyone who has an alignment with a certain belief system gets their knickers in a bunch, I'm not slighting or condemning your belief system.  I'm just reminding all whose eyes meet this page that the answers are inside of you.  The peace you want, the transcendence you desire, it's all right there, locked below the struggle.  All you have to do is accept.

Remember, acceptance isn't about allowing pain and suffering into your life.  It's simply about letting go.  You're the one pulling the puppet strings of your own life and I think now is a good time as any to rewrite your play.  I believe in you.  Trust in the process.  It's all for your greater good.  Remember this, I love you.

Copyright ©2015 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed. 

   

Ding! Ding! Ding! THANK YOU Dr. Seuss

For someone who strives to be mindful on a daily basis of living in the here and now, it occurred to me on my way to my mother's house for our New Year's Day meal, that part of the mourning process I've been dancing with is essentially living in the past.  It was a true "ding-ding-ding" moment for me.  This is something I've read and known, but really didn't KNOW deep inside with an open acceptance.  

Reflecting on 2014 and all that came with it, and how it forever changed me and this path I'm navigating, it settled in.  I was driving down Happy Creek Road into town, in one of my favorite parts of the road where you have a view of the mountains and Randolph Macon Academy on the other side of town framed in the center up on the hill.  It's actually the stretch of road where about a 1/2 mile further up I turn to take the short cut through town, and pass along the way where Thomas is buried.  Clear as day I received the thought, "Don't be sad that it's over.  Smile because it happened."  I knew this was a quote or that there was a quote to this regard out there somewhere.  As soon as I arrived in Flint Hill, I looked it up on my phone.  

Well I'll be! Dr. Seuss!  Really? Heh, talk about full circle living right?  A book from childhood containing within it a "universal message."  It resonated so deeply and has stirred frequently since.  So much so that this is now my mantra for 2015 each time the grief Ninja creeps up and each time that I reel my thoughts back to the now and to finding gratitude.  As painful as 2014 was, with all of its stripping away and losing people, it was also a profound gift.  2014 was a constant in my face reminder of what matters most.  All of that loss and the fallout from the same gave me an understanding like no other that DEATH IS NOT THE END.  I don't care what your religious beliefs are.  This isn't about that.  This about our energy, what makes us, and our eternal self moving on to the next thing on its to do list.  That we're all connected.  That we can and do receive information from those who have passed on, as well as those we may have known in other lives or whom we've played with often on the other side.  That if we'll just be still, trust and listen, that guidance is all around us.  

Indeed, Dr. Seuss may have just helped me to create a whole lot more peace in the pain. Thank you.  I love you Dr. Seuss. 

Copyright ©2015 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.  

In The Driver's Seat - Making Right Choices

Interesting what a month plus of daily meditation and yoga will do for the soul.  Back in May I started this venture, to actively be mindful each day, to have focus over my thoughts verses my thoughts just racing as they like to do for all of us if we let them.  The average person has 70,000 thoughts a day.  Everything from what's for breakfast to what we're going to wear.  70,000!!!  Most of which we allow to be on auto-pilot.  

Nothing wrong with racing per say, sometimes racing can be good.  The racing of positive thoughts builds an environment wherein a vibration is created that expands additional good feelings.  As with all things in the Universe however, in all things of like attract like, racing with panicky, obsessive, stressful, or doubtful thoughts does the exact same thing.  It creates a vibration that expands into additional bad feelings and eventually those bad feelings expand into a greater life experience of those negative emotions.

Those of us who leave up to fate what unfolds into our lives aren't getting it.  Our thoughts and energies are what create our experience here.  We are the ones behind the wheel driving the journey.  Some people we meet along the road hitch a ride for a short distance.  We pick them up into our lives and we drop them off.  Others we sometimes grow so comfortable with as they ride along, we sometimes allow them to take over the drive.  This can be a dicey decision in that very few others we'll meet will respect the direction and course we've set out upon enough to follow along the same path.  In fact, the more positive a direction you're headed in, the more peaceful you become in your evolution of self, the more it will seem as if your companions on the ride (life) will question or attempt to inhibit your progress.

Why is that?  Why is it that you can decide to be in a healthy and positive place yet someone you love and trust can assert that you're anything but?  Why is it that the sky can be blue and sunny but someone out there will complain about what it isn't instead of giving gratitude to what it is?  These character issues, they have nothing to do with you and your path.  When you are in peace, happiness and gratitude living, fact is, some people just can't handle it.  Others only see what they allow themselves to see.  Perception is like that, you either see what you want or what you don't want.  Either way, it's on course to meet you where you are.  Either way, the problem is with them and not with you.

Here's an example of what I'm saying, if we act in life from what we don't want i.e. I worry about someone I love being homeless or making wrong choices for their life, because I don't want them to suffer, my intentions for them are coming from a place of the unwanted.  The Universe doesn't know the difference, it doesn't know that I don't want the person to suffer.  All it knows is that I'm thinking about the person suffering.

On the flip side, if I think about what I want for the person from a place of serenity and trust, if I learn to map it out in a way that's positive and that feels good, I in turn will feel good and by default attract that positiveness into my life.  So, in the case of the person I fear suffering, I turn the fear off and feel love.  Love that the person is alive, that the person is experiencing life and learning valuable lessons that will one day create a well rounded person who knows what they want in life.  By doing this I feel good and am in control of the drive.  See how that works?

So yes, thoughts do become people, places, opportunities and things.  Good, bad or indifferent, it's just law. You're in the driver's seat of life and you get to decide each moment you're awake the environment you travel in and who's along for the ride.  Take the scenic route and travel in good company when you can.  Trust me, it makes for a more enjoyable journey.  

Copyright ©2013 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

Floating with the Current

Been pondering this for sometime now and I wanted to share it with all of you.  There is someone in my life who's reached out lately, someone who in the past has hurt me repeatedly, the last time of which created a serious distance between us.  Someone I don't trust, even though I love the person with every fiber of my being.  This person isn't as experienced as I am with life but they do know right from wrong.  It's been difficult for me to act in love and receive this person back into my life knowing what I know now about them.  While I hope their intentions are pure, my instincts are at odds.  So, it's been an emotional quandary of sorts.  Do I continue to let them in?  Do I let them in but have my guard up?  Do I even bother anymore trying to help them navigate their path in life?  Do I allow them in cautiously but nonetheless allow them in?    

Intention, what we want from the Universe, we have to FEEL it.  If I want this person to continue to be a part of my life, I know I can't have an underpinning of doubt about their place in it.  That doubt is a feeling and that feeling will manifest itself.  I've been watching it already happen.  One day we're making strides and the next day it's same ol', same ol' situation.  It's tough.  

I know I can't control what another person says, does or becomes in life but I do have control over how I personalize or receive their actions in the world.  I can decide if I'm being manipulated or really missed.  I can decide to have a wall or not have a wall up in dealing with them too.  All that I've learned about intention though says you can't want A while thinking about B because then A & B are at odds and in the end, you'll never end up with what you wanted with the A scenario or feeling.  Darn perfect thing that intention is.

So, here I am floating with the current of life being extremely mindful of what I'm feeling.  Each time I feel as if I'm being used to fill a void or get something, I pivot that feeling to open my heart and feel love.  Each time I'm told a lie, I remember to pivot it so that I don't take it personally.  Lying is what this person does, until they decide that they're not going to do it.  Other people's bad behaviors aren't about us, they're about them.  Really, it's as simple as that.

You see, I've learned that if I'm going to get a negative it's not going to be because I manifested it by feeling it.  If I get a negative it's on the one giving it, not on me.  I can at this juncture hope for the best, all the while protecting myself and those I love.  I can build a bridge and care.  I can allow this person to show me they're making a better path for their journey.  The person already has a pretty good map.  Now all they need to do is follow the directions.  In the meanwhile, I'll be available for advice should the need to ask for directions when they get lost.  Grateful that I'm smart enough to not be a backseat driver on their journey too.  This life, they have to drive it on their own.

Copyright ©2013 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

New Day, New You?

As the new year came and went many I know were feeling empowered to create a new vision of life for themselves.  Meanwhile here I am back in the fall asking everyone who mentioned it why they were waiting for the New Year to begin a new chapter in their journey.  So, I'm asking you the same thing here again, two months into the "new" year.  Why wait?  What is it about tomorrow I'll do this or at the beginning of the week I'll try that?  COME ON, really?  Don't you get it? You're worth the effort right now!  Today!  Those thoughts that eat at you, that come back repeatedly, they are there for a reason.  As I often say on our Facebook page, it's all about today, the only day we have.  Like it or not, some of us won't finish it either.  Such is life.

So, dig deeper.  Figure out WHY you keep putting it off, why you wait to start.  What happened along the way to change your drive, desires and passion to begin?  Figure it out.  Learn to live life with zero regrets.  I know it seems as if I'm beating the same beat over and over and over again but it's true, time waits for no one.  If you start today in the direction of your desires you'll be one step closer TODAY.  Come on, life's waiting....begin today.  Remember this.  I love you.
Nita Clewis
Knowing (The Blog)

Copyright ©2013 Nita Clewis 
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

Taking the Lessons & the Love Forward

It's been a while since I've published a regular blog.  Although I've had a flurry of inspired thoughts that have been shared over at the Facebook community fan page, I recently realized I've been resisting writing here.  I was in angst that I'd say something I shouldn't in that I've been emotionally charged as of late.  You see, recently there has been a major change in my life.  My friend of a few decades, the girl I called my sister from the Universe, the one battling cancer, our friendship has shifted.  Simply put, it's ended.  

Hardest part in accepting and being at peace with the same is this change was truly no fault of my own.  Those who love her as I do, who know her as I do are in agreement with this despite the fact that she'd gladly tell you otherwise.  I'm grateful that her close family and I are on the same side of the fence and that all of us who are well see things for what they really are.  In the interim however it's extremely tough.  It's tough knowing she's fighting this fight and that I'm not there anymore.  It's tough missing her kids and not doing for her mom.  It's also tough knowing out there beyond my bubble there's a little click of madness going on talking smack about me, dragging my name through the mud and acting as if we're all in middle school again.  As a result of all of these things I've been quiet here.  Fact is, I'm grieving what was.  That's why I'm breaking the ice today, on Valentine's Day, the day many of us celebrate love.  Within this shift I wanted to share with you what I learned about the love of the Universe.

I learned that the Universe continues to provide and that you really do get back ten fold that which you say good-bye to and let go of.  In the midst of all the childish drama, I learned who's foe and who's friend.  I learned who will lie and who will tell the truth, who plays games and who's about truly saving a life.  I learned that no matter how much you love someone, they have to love themselves first or they can't receive it.  I learned that you really can have peace in the pain.  

How did I learn these things?  There were people who don't even spend time with me physically who sent me unsolicited messages of love and support because they'd seen a shift of behaviors in others, behaviors they themselves weren't in agreement with.  I never asked anyone to take sides when things turned ugly.  In fact, when it all went down, I simply asked that those I brought into her life continue to love and support her through this fight.  I took the high road and decided to focus on love, peace and acceptance because I knew that like attracts like and that while I didn't have control over another's actions I surely had control over my own reactions.  

Has it been easy closing the door on this life long friendship?  No.  Does it help to hear the nudges of others who know the truth and the unsolicited messages of love and support?  You better believe it.  I'm telling you, each time I became sad or had a discussion about the same that little notification chime would ring on my phone and there would be another message from yet another person crossing the abyss.  Another person being used by the Universe to reach out and tap me on the shoulder.  It just happened last week again with a mutual friend in North Carolina.  Honestly, it's only been three weeks, even though things were falling apart as early as late December.  The whole in me is still there.  It probably always will be.  Yet since that time I've made new friends and reconnected with other ones.  See what I mean about the Universe giving you that which you need?

So yes, following my own long standing advice I'm taking the lessons and the love forward.  I'm breaking the ice and opening up a window to my world here today on the day we celebrate love.  Trust in what you know and let go of that which you can't control and you'll surely find peace.  Remember that.  I love you.

Nita Clewis

Knowing (The Blog)

Copyright ©2013 Nita Clewis 
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

  

If Not Now, When?

Just before the Holidays I had to use my voice again. It had been a long time coming and it had been a conversation started but not finished repeatedly in the days and weeks leading up to the same. It was a conversation that had been swirling around in my head over and over again, in letters not finished and the like.  Each time before when it had started it ended in anger.  Each time I spoke the words no one else had the gumption to speak I was met with resistance.  While they were in fact my words, they weren't my sole thoughts.  Others who love the person in question had the same thoughts and questions.  The others however were bound in fear of the reaction, bound in fear of the potential loss, bound in the inability to take action on their thoughts.

Then as life would do, it got in the way.  Here I was, letter drafted and ready to send it when more negative news would come to pass the very day I was ready to put it out there.  I trust my instincts and my gut and there are times when you just can't open your mouth or send the words onto another.  This was one of those times.  I had to hold off and let life unfold.  A couple of weeks passed and then I felt the pull again to lay it all out there, to try once again to open someone's heart and eyes to the pain and hurt they were causing others.

I even thought ahead of time, is this the right time?  It's just before the Holidays.  It's post life's latest obstacle.  It's not the best time really.  Then the voice from within spoke "If Not Now, When?" and I knew it was time.  Frankly put, I could be gone tomorrow and if I don't speak my peace when it's on my heart or be the voice for the collective love of the others when called upon by spirit to do so, I'm not being true to my authentic self.

Was it easy? No. Did I get the response I was not wanting? Oh yea, big time. Their reaction was ugly and sad. Did I take their denial and crappy response personal?  Absolutely not.  Did their response change who I am or make me regret using my voice? Nope, not a chance. Why? Because in life our journey and their journeys depend on it. If we can't speak our truth we have no business being someone's friend, lover or family member. If we can't hold those accountable whom we love for their actions and try and get them to see the truth we have failed as human beings. 

We can never change another person but we can inspire them and we can decide when we distance ourselves because they're not helping themselves. It's never easy but one thing I've learned quite well the past few years is that doing this is so, so worth it. Speak your peace. Say your words. Let it go.  Stop holding your tongue, listen to your heart and use your voice.  Trust me, your being depends on it, and sometimes so does theirs. I love you. 

Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

Trust & Patience ~ Even When You "Know" What You Know

Even when you 'know' things, when you have strong intuitive moments, you still have to TRUST and at times, BE VERY PATIENT.  I believe that the journey is as much, if not more about the traveling to the destination than the destination itself.  Does that mean I easily accept this truth though?  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  It really depends on the subject matter at hand and how attached I am to it.  I try to remember at times such as this, when I'm dealing with my attachment, how I deal with difficult people.  I then decide to carry that same thought process over to those things, places or people I have an attachment to that I am struggling with.

You see, in life we have to deal with people we wish we did not have to deal with.  When doing so I remember that I still have a choice as to how I process the same. I still get to decide what from those dealings I take forward with me into the minutes, hours and days that will follow. Having said that, this is the time to make a choice, when I must turn my mind from thoughts of angst, frustration, disgust, etc. to thoughts of gratitude. Why gratitude? Simply because 1) I don't have to deal with those dealings all of the time 2) those dealings aren't my life and 3) those I love don't have to be exposed to those dealings. I have to decide to be grateful, to just be.  After all, life, it's not so much about how we triumphantly conquer the mountains in our path but more so about how we endure the valleys in between.

When you trust in what IS, it really is easier to be patient and enjoy the journey while waiting.  So, here I am taking my mindset about difficult people and applying it to my impatience with strong intuitive moments.  I am actively and willfully detaching from the outcome that I 'know' with every fiber of my being to just 'be' in the here and now, open to all that comes my way and open to enjoying all that happens in the meanwhile.  Believe me, there is much to enjoy.

The timing of this patience and trust hurdle I know must have been scripted with my path as well.  Reason being, I had JUST taken a risk by putting myself out there, by being open, honest and vulnerable when I wrote my April 14th blog.  When I did this though, it wasn't done with the expectation or intent that I would receive in return.  I did it so that I could be real with myself and stop running from the feelings stirring within me, feelings I just couldn't keep denying.  My taking the risk, being fearless, and/or putting my cards out on the table was not about the outcome.  It was about the act itself, about pushing myself out of my self constrained comfort zone to live life 100% without regret.

Please trust in what you know, enjoy the journey and live life 100% without any regrets.  After all, the time is now, the place is here, and regrets are painful.

 

Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed. 
 

Abundance & Intuitiveness - Stop Denying Your Worth

Life the past few weeks has an abundance of a-ha moments, inspiration, and knowing.  I have been in a place of excited anticipation each day, amused as these things continue to unfold.  It truly is what we American's term on point.  For those of you not familiar with this American slang term, it means that these occurrences comply with that which I am establishing (in this specific instance: manifesting) in my life.  This on point phenomenon has not just been effecting me though, it’s been trickling out to everyone I speak with, particularly my friends who call and write for some “Nita knows” time. 

Hard to believe though, that while residing in all of this high energy wonder and awe, that I can still have moments of inner conflict.  That I still wrestle with understanding, how is it that I can know for others that which they don't know for themselves?  I am not talking fortune telling stuff either.  I know exactly which of my friends being a humorous smart mouth just blurted that out reading this!  No, I cannot tell you about your future.  I am talking about intuitive gifts.  Oh yeah, those things.  What I question is how is it that I can talk to someone I love and care for, knowing with every ounce of my being that the words I am speaking are truth, when one seeking the truth that I am speaking to does not receive the same?  Just as when someone can look at me, see that which I do not see, point it out, and I still not see it?

Why are we blind or in denial to the advice we receive when we seek it?  Better yet, why do we listen, nod in affirmation, and even say things such as “I know, I need to work on that, I’m going to fix that” yet continue down the same paths?  I know the answer to this but do you?  It is about two things: self worth and trust.  Just this week I had a conversation with a friend in Missouri affirming this.  We can scream it from the rooftops what we believe and know for others but when we shift those beliefs and intuitive insights to ourselves, we struggle to overcome our own feelings of inadequacy.  Thus again, receiving anything is rooted in our abilities to believe we are worthy and then trusting in what which we do in fact receive.    

I mean, I cannot explain why the words come as they do when asked or why I relate it in that way that just 'clicked' for someone.  I cannot often even repeat what I just said if in a moving conversation that is coming from a high-energy place.  I can create a summary without a problem but to repeat it word for word, no way, no how will that happen.  That is just how I am.  I am still working on accepting it.  This blog was part of that acceptance.  I can however tell you adamantly that what I know is what I know and that if I love you, I will in how ever many forms or fashions feel the need to explain it do so that it seeps in….every single time…every conversation that you seek it.  

When I talk to you or write this blog, I am not sharing what I know to give you light in times of darkness.  I am not sharing what I know to ground you when you seek grounding.  I am not even sharing to benefit something specific at times; sometimes I am even flying blind as to why I'm sharing.  I have just have learned to do it when asked.  What I am sharing is from beyond me, from a place of inspired thought.  The words are nothing more than the actions of those thoughts.  They are for our experience of the journey.  We just need to receive them.

Yep, so here we are, on this journey.  We are all in our own ways reconciling, accepting, letting go and becoming.  Our greatest obstacle is ourselves and believe me, I get that.  Maybe I shouldn't even be stuck on those who I love that aren’t receiving the words?  Maybe I should just stay in that place of being in wonder, when I watch transpire that which was supposed to?  There are after all people who do get it, who do listen.  Guess what?  There are also times when I listen too.    

Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved. For personal use only. Commercial use without permission is not allowed. Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

Resistance & Reckoning

Since July I've been wrestling with resistance in my own life, so much so it had been blocking my ability to flow in my public writing and sharing. You see, I had preconceived ideas about certain things and certain people and the universe was working with me to open my eyes to accept the answers it was giving me verses what I wanted those answers to be. I'm not complaining though, the process has taught me a few things that I wanted to write about and reflect on with each of you here in hopes that your reading it will lessen your own learning curve.

I've learned that it's okay to surrender and that the moment I do so, the weight is lifted from my heart and I can let the hang ups go. I can just be, just for today, just for this moment and just for this choice. I grew up in a spiritual upbringing so surrender is not a new concept to me but at 36, it's something I'm really just now learning to wrap my head around.

I'm learning to reach out to others who have walked the path I'm on, to seek guidance and influence in my day to day living. This is also part of my surrender process. I've always had issues with accepting help and guidance, in being teachable in life. I joke that my indepenence streak started early, when I decided to arrive two months ahead of schedule (much to my family's dismay) to join this world. I recently was looking through my old report cards in elementary school that my mom had given me. You know, the ones where the teacher leaves comments. There it was in black and white, that strong, resistant, I'm going to do it my way little girl. Yep, hard to argue with that.

I've learned that people do what works, even if what works for them hurts you, throws you under the bus, blames you for the life they created by their choices, etc. I've learned that no matter how much you want to continue to be there for those you love, including children (someone else's or your own if that's your situation), that you have to love and protect yourself first, even if it means you'll never speak to or see that person you love again.

I'm learning to love the painful experiences in life, to look at the people and situations from an angle of gratitude. If someone in your life is hell bent on being negative or unappreciative and can't see it for what it is, it's okay to let them go and find gratitude in the experience. You can really look at them in your heart and be grateful that they taught you something about about yourself, about what you will and won't tolerate, about what does and doesn't matter. It's always harder to do with family but nonetheless it can and should be done.

I've learned that I'm exactly where I am supposed to be. You see, from my teen years forward I gravitated towards people who were in recovery, from alcohol and/or drugs to gambling. I didn't have anyone in my family who was going through it or who had problems but were in denial about it. Yet there I always was, putting myself in the middle of it. I was the friend to go to their first AA or NA meetings with them, the friend who was the voice of reason in chaos or the friend who just listened. It always seemed as if these people were in my path for a reason but I never was able to put it all together until this summer.

I have a book I found at the free shack called The Tao on Recovery that I'd picked up to save for someone last year because I just knew someone I'd cross paths with would need it. I've even offered it up a couple of times with no takers. Why am I telling you all of this? Because I've discovered that this book was there for me. I'm learning that every person who was on my path all these years who suffered from addiction prepared me for this walk. That all those moments and opportunities lead me to today, a place of overcoming the resistance of this truth, which is that I too can benefit from a 12 Step Program (OA).

Lastly, I'm continuing to learn that if we don't move on in life the other people we loved will never have the opportunity to learn from the loss that has been endured. Sometimes that is our greatest gift to them, the lessons they take forward with them from that loss. If they don't learn then they'll just keep repeating the process so why would you want to be any part of that anyway? Remember that old teaching, that lessons are repeated until they are learned? It's true. Besides, as one of my mentors said so beautifully, if God wanted you to go backwards in life your feet wouldn't be facing forward.

Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved. For personal use only.
Commercial use without permission is not allowed.
Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

Inspired Thought: Think About the Possibilities

As time has passed I've been reminded repeatedly that one must act on inspired thought. Inspired thought is what comes from listening to yourself and the promptings of your own 'knowing' from within.  Amazing things happen in life when you listen and take action in your life on inspired thought.  Some of those things can be so small that you don't notice them until they build upon each other.  Others are so big that you can't help but notice and be left in awe when they come.  Oh, and I'm not talking about things for you so much as things for others in your life.  Last month I was reminded of the long term effects of acting on inspired thought.  I shared that story one day as a post on the Facebook fan page but it also shared herein later.  I'm hoping that by my sharing this story with you again that you'll really get what I'm trying to say here about listening and taking action on your inspired thoughts. 

In that I spent far too many years not acting on inspired thoughts myself, I also feel that it's important to share with you the flip side of life regarding the same.  Choosing not to listen to yourself, choosing not to take action in your life on inspired thoughts or any other thought for that matter that will serve yours or someone else's greater good is in my opinion a tragedy.  A tragedy because time passes no matter what and if you're not living your authentic life you're hurting not only yourself but those around you by not allowing yourself to be all that you are and can be.  Not listening to yourself creates misery, a feeling of being stuck, feelings of hopelessness and forever breeds negativity.  Not living an authentic life can be toxic and draining.  Think about it, if someone in your life always let you down, always lied to you, didn't come through when promised and wasn't good to you as much as they could be, putting you down with negative thoughts and words, would you be friends with them? HECK NO!  Then why is it okay to do that crap to ourselves?  It's not and that's the problem my friends.

What happens when people listen to their inspired thoughts?  They seek help for substance abuse problems and stop running from their problems or numbing them, they find hope and faith where there was once only despair and agony, they walk away from abusive relationships in their lives and learn how to expect non-abusive ones, and they nurture their mental and physical health (and their families mental and physical health) verses slowly killing themselves via bad habits and thoughts.  When people listen to their inspired thoughts anything can happen and truly the limits are endless.  How endless?  Well, here's my story of inspired action from the past that was posted last month on Facebook.

An old friend celebrated his 40th birthday and I was reminded yet again of the importance of how our "listening" in life leads to inspired thought. One day, back in either 1996 or maybe 97, while I was 'listening' to a conversation this old friend and I were having on my front porch in the warm sun, I felt the desire from within to 'act' on something I didn't quite understand. I'd decided to introduce my friend to my beautiful, single, self sufficient neighbor down the street. My brain was even making negative assumptions about it that weren't supportive to the "listening," i.e. he's not her type, etc. Despite this, my inner voice kept nudging me along. The nudge was so strong that I would find myself reassuring him of the introduction when he himself had the same self doubts and questions. I also had to make it a point to reassure the neighbor that I had no interest in him myself (although at one point I thought I did and she knew that) and that I was completely on board with their getting to know each other better. Fast forward to today and they are happily married with two beautiful children. I could never see them with anyone else.  It blows me away to see what has transpired between them over the years and the lovely life they've built together since meeting so long ago.  So yes, listen. You never know what or who those inspired thoughts might lead to or how your own inspired action will serve another on their journey. 

If you're reading this and your mind is filled with doubts and negative why nots, remember this....there are so many things in this world that we have no control over. There are going to be times that we'll be pushed to the brink of our resolve and times when we will come back stronger and better having gone there. You can't resist. Remember, resistance is futile. It's a waste of your energy. You have to trust in the process and take each moment of life as it comes. You have to let go. You have to go about life and just be. Is it easy? No, it's a process but it is a process that can be done.

I like to believe that a tranquil existence is a choice. While there will always be outside circumstances upsetting our apple cart, we still have the choice as to how we react. Does that mean that one simple choice equals tranquility and authentic living? No, it's more of a series of choices gaining momentum to create the desired result of an authentic life. Does that mean that there isn't pain, loss or despair within those choices? No. More often than not there is.

I know this much though, when the time does come and you are making a choice for your life towards listening to yourself to have tranquility and an authentic life, you will find yourself often in resistance. Once you conquer that resistance there comes an amazing lightening of the self. Think of the weight of the world is off of your shoulder moments in life. The moment you let go of the power that the choice had over you, the moment you let go of your attachment to the unknown outcome of the same, when you know that the choice you are making is truly is going to benefit your evolution of the self, that's the moment you are free. It's so worth it. You are so worth it. Let go of what was not serving your authentic life today and decide to start listening and taking inspired action in your life.

And lastly, as you go through this process of listening and acting on inspired thoughts remember your ABCs...

"(A) Accept that whatever is going on 'is what it is', (B) Be present in where you are or in what you're doing at the moment you're resisting, and then (C) Choose gratitude, even if you have to reach outside of the situation at hand to something else.

Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.
For personal use only. Commercial use without permission is not allowed.

Expectations: Love Them or Hate Them, They're Yours

I've been forced to look long and hard at the expectations I hold in my life.  I've been pushing myself to transcend a very difficult to accept disappointment recently.  My expectations were through the roof.  This was something I believed in with every fiber of my being.  Others and I have spent years praying about it.  I've acquired new knowledge to be able to understand how it works and implemented that knowledge with success thus far.  I've repeatedly overcome another person's resistance at allowing it to happen.  I've had over a dozen or so practice runs at it.  I've invested resources until I had nothing left to give.  I've spent years preparing for it and years working or volunteering myself to it.  I've always given 100% towards it.  It's an epic and life changing event.  It deserved nothing less than the best I had to give.  I lived it, breathed it, slept it, and had recurring nightmares about it (still do actually).  In the process of all of this, I even lost some of myself to it.  Thankfully I realized that and made changes to find myself again.  Needless to say, having put so much into it, I was beyond devastated when my expectations blew out from under me.  I'm well aware that I control my reactions to that which occurs.  Going through this has really pushed me to pull out the arsenal of knowledge and tools that I have learned to get to that point.  

I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am to have those resources.  I'm pretty sure if I didn't have them I'd still be stuck in the initial shock of it all, cursing the circumstances, crying, venting about it, etc.  Yes, I'd still be stuck in full on resistance to what is and that's a really bad place to be.  Resistance doesn't allow us to transcend.  It's futile.  Therefore, as I cope with what has happened, I keep reminding myself of the “ABC” thing that came to me one day while meditating.  Accept that whatever is going on 'is what it is', be present in where you are or what you're doing at the moment you're resisting, and then choose gratitude, even if you have to reach outside of the situation at hand to something else.  An example of reaching outside of a situation would be losing your job but being grateful that you still have your health and can go on to work elsewhere.  An example of finding gratitude within a situation such as that would be finding gratitude for the skills learned, people met, contacts made, and knowledge and experience gained.  Once I'm able to accept a situation I'm then able to find the lesson, plan the next step, let go and find peace.  It was during this part of the process that I found the quote I posted by Maurice Setter about expectations.   

"Too many people miss the silver lining because they are expecting gold." - Maurice Setter

As I began to grapple with the effects of the devastation for myself and those connected to the event, it brought front and center all the other areas of my life where I have expectations.  Expectations for me and of course my expectations for others.  Do I change my expectations in other areas of my life because of this blow?  Are my standards too high?  I'd already had a few life situations stewing on this topic before the big blow that had caused me to begin actively evaluating whom I spend my time with in work, friendships and companionship.  I'd already been taking a hard look at who reciprocates the relationships I give them.  

For instance, in my business there are people who want to be taught the ropes but who aren't willing to take the knowledge you share with them time and time and time again and actually implement it.  Learning curve I get, not learning or asking me to do it for you, I don't get.  Probably why so many of the leaders in my industry remind each other that some will, some won't, so what, you work with the willing.

For myself at least, when I don't get what I expect I'm not satisfied.  I believe the discontent we humans feel is simply affirmation of the soul that we do deserve more than we are getting. Without the discontent we would continue to give to others until we're bankrupt of giving with our selflessness.  We may even never know what it is like to receive ourselves.  There has to be a balance.  After all, the old adage is you can't give what you haven't already cultivated yourself.  

In my own life I'll even go as far to say that I can be told thank you, made to laugh, and even made to feel thought of often and still feel discontent that I'm not getting all that I'm expecting to receive.  To many that may sound crazy.  What in the world am I expecting where I get all that I'm still unsatisfied?  Do you see it?  Expect, as in expectations.  Therein I find the issue.  Someone I've known a long time said that, "Expectations can be dangerous....You have to put thought into action and decide whether another is capable of meeting your expectations or not. If they are then communication is key, they must know what is expected in order to deliver.  If they are not realistically capable of delivering what one might expect, then thought becomes key and in the spirit of self preservation one must decide if they are willing to change or lower said expectations in order to avoid disappointment. I would not expect a zebra to lose its stripes, but if for some reason I did, should I be upset with the zebra when it kept its stripes?"  Thank you for the insight.  I truly couldn't of said it better myself.  

Frankly, despite the big blow, I have a lot to be grateful for and I see that. I also see that discontent is the universe pushing us to act on something that's not working for us.  How do we take such action? Typically with our voice first, just like my old friend said. We talk. We share. We say it like it is, no matter how much we might have reservations about the outcome.  Besides, if one can't voice their expectations (including when they change) then they are in essence not giving the other person all that they 'think' they are giving anyway.  

After all, we are given thoughts to communicate with so that we can share information.  When we push our voice down and fear its use, we are denying our authentic self.  Don't do this.  No matter what the road block is, imagined or not, step out in courage and use your voice.  Do not fear the outcome.  It's not the lesson.  The lesson is overcoming the roadblock to begin with and finding your voice and your own expectations.  For me at least, when I've done so, the powerlessness I'd felt before by not using my voice goes away.  By using my voice I allow myself to become detached from the outcome too and in essence I regain my authentic self.  Expectations, love them or hate them, resist or embrace them, they are still yours and mine to choose. 


Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.
For personal use only. Commercial use without permission is not allowed.