If Not Now, When?

Just before the Holidays I had to use my voice again. It had been a long time coming and it had been a conversation started but not finished repeatedly in the days and weeks leading up to the same. It was a conversation that had been swirling around in my head over and over again, in letters not finished and the like.  Each time before when it had started it ended in anger.  Each time I spoke the words no one else had the gumption to speak I was met with resistance.  While they were in fact my words, they weren't my sole thoughts.  Others who love the person in question had the same thoughts and questions.  The others however were bound in fear of the reaction, bound in fear of the potential loss, bound in the inability to take action on their thoughts.

Then as life would do, it got in the way.  Here I was, letter drafted and ready to send it when more negative news would come to pass the very day I was ready to put it out there.  I trust my instincts and my gut and there are times when you just can't open your mouth or send the words onto another.  This was one of those times.  I had to hold off and let life unfold.  A couple of weeks passed and then I felt the pull again to lay it all out there, to try once again to open someone's heart and eyes to the pain and hurt they were causing others.

I even thought ahead of time, is this the right time?  It's just before the Holidays.  It's post life's latest obstacle.  It's not the best time really.  Then the voice from within spoke "If Not Now, When?" and I knew it was time.  Frankly put, I could be gone tomorrow and if I don't speak my peace when it's on my heart or be the voice for the collective love of the others when called upon by spirit to do so, I'm not being true to my authentic self.

Was it easy? No. Did I get the response I was not wanting? Oh yea, big time. Their reaction was ugly and sad. Did I take their denial and crappy response personal?  Absolutely not.  Did their response change who I am or make me regret using my voice? Nope, not a chance. Why? Because in life our journey and their journeys depend on it. If we can't speak our truth we have no business being someone's friend, lover or family member. If we can't hold those accountable whom we love for their actions and try and get them to see the truth we have failed as human beings. 

We can never change another person but we can inspire them and we can decide when we distance ourselves because they're not helping themselves. It's never easy but one thing I've learned quite well the past few years is that doing this is so, so worth it. Speak your peace. Say your words. Let it go.  Stop holding your tongue, listen to your heart and use your voice.  Trust me, your being depends on it, and sometimes so does theirs. I love you. 

Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
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