It's been a while since I've published a regular blog. Although I've had a flurry of inspired thoughts that have been shared over at the Facebook community fan page, I recently realized I've been resisting writing here. I was in angst that I'd say something I shouldn't in that I've been emotionally charged as of late. You see, recently there has been a major change in my life. My friend of a few decades, the girl I called my sister from the Universe, the one battling cancer, our friendship has shifted. Simply put, it's ended.
Hardest part in accepting and being at peace with the same is this change was truly no fault of my own. Those who love her as I do, who know her as I do are in agreement with this despite the fact that she'd gladly tell you otherwise. I'm grateful that her close family and I are on the same side of the fence and that all of us who are well see things for what they really are. In the interim however it's extremely tough. It's tough knowing she's fighting this fight and that I'm not there anymore. It's tough missing her kids and not doing for her mom. It's also tough knowing out there beyond my bubble there's a little click of madness going on talking smack about me, dragging my name through the mud and acting as if we're all in middle school again. As a result of all of these things I've been quiet here. Fact is, I'm grieving what was. That's why I'm breaking the ice today, on Valentine's Day, the day many of us celebrate love. Within this shift I wanted to share with you what I learned about the love of the Universe.
I learned that the Universe continues to provide and that you really do get back ten fold that which you say good-bye to and let go of. In the midst of all the childish drama, I learned who's foe and who's friend. I learned who will lie and who will tell the truth, who plays games and who's about truly saving a life. I learned that no matter how much you love someone, they have to love themselves first or they can't receive it. I learned that you really can have peace in the pain.
How did I learn these things? There were people who don't even spend time with me physically who sent me unsolicited messages of love and support because they'd seen a shift of behaviors in others, behaviors they themselves weren't in agreement with. I never asked anyone to take sides when things turned ugly. In fact, when it all went down, I simply asked that those I brought into her life continue to love and support her through this fight. I took the high road and decided to focus on love, peace and acceptance because I knew that like attracts like and that while I didn't have control over another's actions I surely had control over my own reactions.
Has it been easy closing the door on this life long friendship? No. Does it help to hear the nudges of others who know the truth and the unsolicited messages of love and support? You better believe it. I'm telling you, each time I became sad or had a discussion about the same that little notification chime would ring on my phone and there would be another message from yet another person crossing the abyss. Another person being used by the Universe to reach out and tap me on the shoulder. It just happened last week again with a mutual friend in North Carolina. Honestly, it's only been three weeks, even though things were falling apart as early as late December. The whole in me is still there. It probably always will be. Yet since that time I've made new friends and reconnected with other ones. See what I mean about the Universe giving you that which you need?
So yes, following my own long standing advice I'm taking the lessons and the love forward. I'm breaking the ice and opening up a window to my world here today on the day we celebrate love. Trust in what you know and let go of that which you can't control and you'll surely find peace. Remember that. I love you.
Nita Clewis
Knowing (The Blog)
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