Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Floating with the Current

Been pondering this for sometime now and I wanted to share it with all of you.  There is someone in my life who's reached out lately, someone who in the past has hurt me repeatedly, the last time of which created a serious distance between us.  Someone I don't trust, even though I love the person with every fiber of my being.  This person isn't as experienced as I am with life but they do know right from wrong.  It's been difficult for me to act in love and receive this person back into my life knowing what I know now about them.  While I hope their intentions are pure, my instincts are at odds.  So, it's been an emotional quandary of sorts.  Do I continue to let them in?  Do I let them in but have my guard up?  Do I even bother anymore trying to help them navigate their path in life?  Do I allow them in cautiously but nonetheless allow them in?    

Intention, what we want from the Universe, we have to FEEL it.  If I want this person to continue to be a part of my life, I know I can't have an underpinning of doubt about their place in it.  That doubt is a feeling and that feeling will manifest itself.  I've been watching it already happen.  One day we're making strides and the next day it's same ol', same ol' situation.  It's tough.  

I know I can't control what another person says, does or becomes in life but I do have control over how I personalize or receive their actions in the world.  I can decide if I'm being manipulated or really missed.  I can decide to have a wall or not have a wall up in dealing with them too.  All that I've learned about intention though says you can't want A while thinking about B because then A & B are at odds and in the end, you'll never end up with what you wanted with the A scenario or feeling.  Darn perfect thing that intention is.

So, here I am floating with the current of life being extremely mindful of what I'm feeling.  Each time I feel as if I'm being used to fill a void or get something, I pivot that feeling to open my heart and feel love.  Each time I'm told a lie, I remember to pivot it so that I don't take it personally.  Lying is what this person does, until they decide that they're not going to do it.  Other people's bad behaviors aren't about us, they're about them.  Really, it's as simple as that.

You see, I've learned that if I'm going to get a negative it's not going to be because I manifested it by feeling it.  If I get a negative it's on the one giving it, not on me.  I can at this juncture hope for the best, all the while protecting myself and those I love.  I can build a bridge and care.  I can allow this person to show me they're making a better path for their journey.  The person already has a pretty good map.  Now all they need to do is follow the directions.  In the meanwhile, I'll be available for advice should the need to ask for directions when they get lost.  Grateful that I'm smart enough to not be a backseat driver on their journey too.  This life, they have to drive it on their own.

Copyright ©2013 Nita Clewis All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.


  1. Hello. Just wanted to say that I really relate to how you're feeling. I'm going through the same thing with someone that I love very much. All I can say is, putting up walls and defenses only makes things worse, like you said. Honesty and being vulnerable is what helps. Say exactly how you feel and why, and let them know why your boundaries are where they are right now. Take things a day at a time and communicate. Let them know you love yourself too. The rest is just time, I guess. It will all be as it should be--even if it's not what we want sometimes. Hang in there, and God bless.

    1. Thank you for reaching out Teresa. Tough love is hard, especially when it's supposed to be unconditional. I've communicated my concerns and boundaries and am peace with the same. I will graciously continue to do the same. I agree that taking things one day at a time is crucial. All we have is the present moment anyway. The person knows that I put myself first, no matter how much I want to be there for them. Communication is a two-way street. I expect nothing less than open communication and honesty in return. It's harder with youth in that they're still learning but they do know right from wrong so there's a compass to navigate from in play. Absolutely all happens as it should. Always does. Thank you again. Blessings to you as well.