Saturday, March 31, 2012

Truth & Consequences - Part 3 - Full Circle

The day I held as a vision that finally came to pass.  My son being reunited with his big sister.

It never ceases to amaze me as to how much we grow during hardships and how resilient we truly are when facing adversity.  At approximately this time last year, my life was torn apart.  Despite its circumstances, I still had to suck it up and go about the business of living.  I still had to be a parent to my child, build a business in an economy full of hardships, and keep the faith, hope and core being of who I was intact.  I was facing the circumstances that tore me apart because of one simple thing…. I was choosing to use my voice.  

March 5, 2012, it all changed.  It was a chilly Monday morning with cars covered in snow.  I even took a picture of the side porch and back yard with its last bit of winter.  Ha! Winter! What’s that?  Fall and winter 2011/2012 were abnormally warm and trust me, for someone who hates the cold, well received.   Mondays, wouldn’t you know it….I have been affirming Mondays for months.  When you love your work, greeting it on a Monday is not a big deal.  My Mondays as of late are filled with fun.  I host a luncheon in my town where I present my company’s services and opportunity, participate in training with our international team and set the pace of the week ahead for my business.  Monday, March 5th would be different though.  I participated in all of my normal Monday activities but this Monday, this would be the day it all came full circle.

A little background on that day for it had its share of trials and tribulations.  It was definitely a day in the making.  In the spring of 2011, I wrote and published some content about using one’s voice, about transcending the fall out of the same, about sticking to your guns and being who you are no matter what.  I was really struggling then to stand in who I was against someone who hated every fiber of my being and what I was standing for.  I knew what I was doing was right though.  So much so that I had to find peace with the threat of having someone I love taken away from me, someone innocent in that struggle. 

I knew I did not have control over another person’s actions.  I also knew that I did have control over mine.  Sometimes we do things in life we do not want to do because we know it is the right thing to do.  Sometimes we just have to do the right thing over the easy or passive thing.  There was collateral damage for using my voice in the spring of 2011, for standing in my authority, and for loving unconditionally.  That collateral damage was my stepdaughter, or as I tell her, my daughter from the universe whom I had mothered and loved since she was a little girl over a decade ago.

Summer 2011 would be the last time I spoke to her and saw her because of those circumstances beyond our control.  Mother’s Day weekend 2011 would be the last time my son spoke to her or saw her too.  A moment of anger, mixed with a moment of rebellion and continuing crashing of ideals between adults and there was no hope of anything different at that time.  We all paid the price from that point forward.  It was then that I had to fight to let go and really trust in the process of life.  I had to know that it was not in vain and the loss and pain my family was going through would not be the end of this chapter.  I accepted what was but I did not lose hope and I never, ever quit.  Yes, I accepted but I did not passively roll over and relent.

Through the months that passed, I learned each day just how strong I am.  I learned how to seek comfort, to seek help, and to receive another person’s grace in my life.  I learned to listen to the whispers of the Universe.  I learned to act on those whispers as well.  July 1, 2011 through March 5, 2012, I kept the faith, no matter what happened in our lives.  I always believed and I acted daily as if those beliefs already were.  I processed often my son’s words of missing her.  I talked about her and thought of her daily.  I truly mourned her not being in our lives.  We all did.

Then it happened, a comment from a friend and colleague (read:  inspired thought in action), a stepping out of my comfort zone, and a swift and sweeping move of fate that was no doubt in my mind, a miracle.  Four days before March 5, I took a risk as I followed up with my preexisting persistence.   Four days, that is how quickly life can turn around and leave you in awe.  The dots connected and life unfolded.  What happened after I’d checked up on her at school that Thursday prior? (I told you I didn’t quit.)

My phone rang and it was my stepdaughter.  The tears flowed, words healed and the truths that were hidden from her were revealed.  Thirty minutes later, I was to meet a new colleague and give a presentation.  How I pulled that off is still beyond me for my head was racing given the sudden change of events transpiring.  All I could even say on Facebook was “Wow…is this really happening?”  Here I am, weeks later still trying to absorb it all, grateful beyond words at what has occurred.   I cannot even begin to tell you of the joy in my heart, of seeing this miracle happen.  We suffered, we endured, and in the end, we were restored above and beyond what we were before it all happened. 

How awesome is that?  Do you get that?  I mean, if it can happen for me, it sure as heck can happen for you.  Why not?  We are no different, you and I.  Use your voice.  Do not quit.  Stand up in who you are and for what you believe in.  Do not fear.  Life still has a few surprises in store for you!    

Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.

Truth & Consequences - Part 2

In May of 2011 I wrote a blog titled Truth & Consequences wherein I spoke about the lessons I was learning in speaking my voice.  I don't believe it was a random occurrence February 24, 2012 that I read an email inquiring about the location of the same on this blog.  Here's why.  It has been heavy on my heart what would come to transpire in my life after that blog was written.  So heavy in fact that I've mulled over this blog entry since I started it on February 24th, finally publishing it tonight, March 31, 2012 because the third part of this story is about to be published too.

Since May of 2011 the characters of my life have changed by no fault of my own.  I simply used my voice and in doing so, I weeded out people who did not want to hear the truth.  It hurt me to lose these people in the manners in which things transpired but I have no doubt that it all happened for a reason.  I believe in the pain of those choices there are still valuable lessons to be learned.  I continue to feel the shift from within that was sparked from that one defining moment forward.

As it would occur, the truth would show in time that the apologies weren't real.  By using my voice, I stood up in such a way as to not be used, victimized, or manipulated.  I wanted to continue to share what it is that I've been learning during this process of protection and transcendence, thus my part two of the original blog.

I've learned that no matter how we treat others, their actions and reactions are their own just as ours are.  Yes, this is exactly what I learned the first few months detached from what was.  I still know that fear really is false evidence appearing real and that letting go of the perceived outcome is where the healing begins.  I still know that I can love someone unconditionally, and still not allow myself or those I care about to be victimized by another person's actions and behaviors.  I've learned that love can change hearts but people change themselves.  I've learned that sometimes in life, our standing up for our truth in turn can sometimes be exactly what the other person needed to be shown the errors of their ways.  Yes, I'm still holding onto that one.  I've also continued to learn that we're not here to fix each other, we're here to teach each other.  It really is as simple as that.

I've learned that finding your truth, knowing your truth and speaking your truth is a process that doesn't and shouldn't end.  Months later I'm still working on this.  Again, just because you forgive someone in your heart for their transgressions doesn't mean you forget.  It doesn't mean you don't know your truth anymore and it doesn't mean you stop speaking that truth either.  It means that you're letting go of the negative side of the experience in favor of the positive knowledge you gained of yourself in the process.  So breathe, learn, know and embrace your truth for everything it's worth.  After all, that worth is still you.

Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.