Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Anger & Overcoming

Was having an interesting exchange the other night with an old classmate who reads this blog.  You are all well aware that I am passionate about the sharing of beneficial knowledge in life.  The majority of what I write about is overcoming things, accepting things and reconciling the journey.  While we were chatting though the subject of anger came up, specifically what gets me pissed off, including but not limited to what I gripe about.  So, here are my thoughts on anger.

Dishonesty.  That is my number one anger hot button issue, especially when it comes to my protective mother instincts.  Lie to me about my kid and I will chew you up and spit you out.  Period.  Pretty much why I dislike politics as well, too many false statements and pretending to be something someone's not.  Heh, while we're on the subject of being something someone's not lets move onto gripe number two....fake people. 

Fake People.  Walk the talk, it really is that simple.  I'll give you my friendship, loyal and true, but you have to be real.  If you're selfish and self absorbed, admit it.  If you're lazy and not driven, admit it.  I respect people who are real about themselves, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It is your life after all.  I am not here to judge you or do it for you.  I just expect you to be transparently honest and real.

Yep, that's pretty much it for my gripes and here is why.  Anger is one of those things that I firmly believe is there to tell you something is wrong, something isn't working in your life.  It is a sign not be ignored.  My most recent example of this would be being annoyed with someone who always calls to talk about himself and never to inquire or know about my life.  The attitude I feel when I see the caller ID is my sign that the dynamic of said relationship isn't working for me.  I've learned that the relationship is a one way street of talking to talk and show off and nothing more.  The person in question doesn't really care about me, my family, my life, my struggles or anything else for that matter that has to do with me.  He just calls to make himself feel important by rambling on about himself.  What was the action I took in dealing with said person?  I used my voice and when that didn't work, I simply stopped answering the calls.  I don't have room in my life for that kind of an empty relationship.  Frankly, I wouldn't even consider this person a friend anymore.

A lot of anger in the world though I believe is rooted in judgment and expectations.  My example above is rooted in expectation.  As for judgment, I think it was Mother Teresa who said if you're judging others you don't have time to love them.  I take that to heart.  I spent far too many years with someone who was angry about anything and everything the majority of any given day.  When I look back at it I can see it very clearly, all of that anger was rooted in judgment and unrealistic expectations.  Yet when I was close to the situation I thought the anger was about me or the others he was angry at.  Amazing what some distance will do for your vision.  

Frankly, I just don't have time to stew in my own anger.  It's a choice I make, the working to let go of it when I am angry.  It's a choice I make to do my best not to judge too.  Once the steam blows off I look for the solution in the problem; the problem that caused the anger to begin with.  If I have some sort of control in it, I make a plan and act on that plan to do something about it.  If I can't control it I just have to hand it over and do my best to let it go.  So yes, I do get angry and I do have my moments of gripes but it always comes back to doing something about it or letting it go.  When I do this I can get back to the business of creating the life I want to live, one that's filled with love and happiness.

Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved. For personal use only. Commercial use without permission is not allowed. Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed. 


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Two Little Words

It used to be that I lived in a world where mornings were met with dread.  Not because it was a new and glorious day to behold, no no, not for that.  Not because I was sleep deprived or ill.  No, I was well rested and often felt pretty good.  Not even because I wasn't a morning person per say.  I actually enjoy mornings.  During that time period of my life I would cozy up to a warm cup of coffee and weather permitting, sit upon my side porch warming myself under the sun watching and listening to nature.  I had rituals to my mornings.  They were my sacred time. 

However, despite all of this, mornings in my own home were met with absolute dread for a period of time.  Dreaded because of the eggshells one was expected to walk upon when an old housemate greeted his day.  The assertion was that chronic pain set the tone of the first one to two hours of tone for their day.  Yes, this can be an absolute truth.  However, not a truth for the person in question, when one would eventually learn he could go camping or four wheeling and be around others and act civil during those same waking hours.  Even more so when hid own child would make observations that the animal in the home gets treated better and spoken to nicer than the humans during those same waking hours.  Now if that observation isn't a wake up call I don't know what is.  

As bad mornings would become the normal morning dynamic and months would turn into years I would learn that just as I had a choice how I processed those mornings, I also had a choice of dealing with them period.  It wasn't just about me and my sanity anymore.  It was about children, two of them.  Funny how we will do that, urge us to do for another what we often won't do for ourselves.  So I decided I would no longer negotiate my mornings in that way.  I decided to change my expectations and in turn change my life.  I can still remember standing at my coffee pot waiting for it to stop dripping while I bent and twisted twisty ties into a heart on the counter top.  I remember smiling at my little creation affirming that this morning and every morning thereafter was going to be different. 

While I could easily reflect on the time lost in that environment I instead have decided to focus on being grateful about it.  Sometimes, even for a nanosecond, I feel bad about being grateful over having transcended that chapter of life.  Alas, I do remember that there is no good or bad, there is just the experience.  I decide how it plays out in the big picture.  

Now I live a life that is rich and abundant in its good mornings.  Not a day goes by that the Universe doesn't use someone in my life to remind me of this.  I just realized it this last week when texting back and forth with a friend that my life is full of people who say those two little words....good morning.  Talk about an Aha moment!  

So remember, you decide.  No one else.  Create the life you wish to live.  No apologies.  No regrets.  No bad mornings.   

Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved. For personal use only. Commercial use without permission is not allowed. Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.