Thursday, December 13, 2012

Acceptance: Letting Go of the Need to Change Others


As of late I have had various conversations with friends revolving around acceptance of the fact that we cannot change other people.  Within the majority of the population is a desire to do right, to nurture, to be compassionate and to evolve into our best and highest self.  For some it is a simple as providing for ones family (blood, friends, four legged or otherwise), for others it may be a call of action to change their food supply, their country or the world through education and service to others.  No matter what our life calling is, we each have within us a spark of belonging and we each have within us the potential to shine.

Why is it then that so many of the good spirits of the world get caught up in trying to fix others, to appease them, or to change them?  Why is it so hard for many to accept that their path is theirs alone and that while we can inspire and lead others we surely cannot be the acting factor in another person's change?  I have my suspicions regarding these things.  I believe it all comes down to fear and acceptance.   

Some of my friends are stuck in this way of thinking out of fear.  They simply do not want to believe that the other person has willfully decided to be what they are.  They want to be their light, their motivating factor to change.  Far too many of us get stuck in the cycle of complaining and enduring another persons behaviors simply because of what we believe they can be.  There is an underlying wrestling from within to let go of the expectations they have for the other person.  They fear that if they do so that, that if they accept and just let that person live their life without meddling, they are in turn giving up on that person.  This could not be further from the truth. 

Letting go of our expectations for another persons evolution of self has nothing to do with their success at the same.  We can be there for those we love and not enable them, let alone lose ourselves in them.  Simply put, their will has nothing to do with how brightly our own lights shine upon them.  Their will is theirs and theirs alone.

A few of my friends wrestle with trying to get others to understand their own more evolved thoughts and decision making patterns.  They simply want the other people to see it like they see it, to understand their way of thinking.  They get so frustrated that those whom they wish to share their lives with are on what I term "the wrong playing field involved in another game of life." 

Again, we cannot control the people in our lives.  It is a fruitless waste of our energies to fret over what they are doing (or not doing) in their own journeys.  We can only accept where they are, who they are and go about the business of living our own lives as best we see fit.  It is their path to navigate and transcend just as your path is uniquely yours to do the same.

Really, all of life boils down to acceptance.  We all desire to be accepted for who we are, not where we have been or the promise of where we may go.  We all wish to be acknowledged and cherished for that which is uniquely our own.  I promise you this, the best decision you'll ever make in life is to accept and let go of that which you cannot control.  Life is just too beautiful, precious and fleeting to waste time playing the game of trying to change others.  Trust me, it will not happen. 

The power to change never was yours to give them in the first place you see, it was always their own doing to discover and act upon.  The sooner you get this fact, the sooner you will procure contentment and happiness in your own journey.  In the end, the only people we have control over is ourselves.  Remember that.  I love you.
Copyright ©2012 Nita Clewis
All rights reserved.  For personal use only.  Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed.  Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.