2014, some question if it has been a cruel joke at times. People call and ask how exactly are you doing all of this with such love, compassion and grace? Seriously, it's all from beyond me. Some call it The Cosmic Forces. Others label it Faith. God. Jesus. Buddha. Spirit. That yummy stuff we don't really have any true evidence of other than the unexplainable. I'm human, vulnerable and fragile at times, just like you. I question, I get angry, and I even get depressed.
On June 6th, I sat next to my grandfather in his last stage of life, listening to his breath as he was in a slumber, talking to him as I had each time I was there by his side these last few months hoping, then accepting, and finally learning to let go. I knew it was time. I knew he was ready. I felt it. I saw it. I heard them as well. As they'd been for the weeks, they'd been waiting for him. My grandmother, his parents, his siblings, his friend from the Lodge all on the other side. They were all there in that room again. This day it was different though. This day I told him goodbye because I knew. This day I told him thank you again for all that he'd done, made promises I knew that would bring him peace enough to surrender, and felt his embrace one last time through spirit. Then I went to bring my son home for the weekend and planned to be back by his side again Saturday morning. Before dawn though he was with them; happy, free and whole again on the other side.
Towards the end it was difficult for me to be there, their energies so intense around him. It wasn't hard to see him as he was because I knew inside that he was only there in brief moments with us. A kiss. A hand held. That was him in his beautiful state of being. Of knowing.
My last lucid conversation with him had been a mere two weeks earlier in the living room. He was asking about Knowing, about what if I'd written for it that day, and about the band I was excited to have the opportunity to write for named Exilia. He was fascinated that they were from Italy and had been touring in the States. It was in the last few weeks that he learned for the first time the reach that is Knowing. He had no idea that it was read all over the world by thousands of people in 45 countries (and counting). He was incredibly proud of his granddaughter and questioned why it wasn't a "business" generating a living for me yet. Because that wasn't the intention that I attached to this endeavor. Why haven't you written a book yet Nita? All of these people that you connect with, inspire and help by sharing your own story, they need a book. Every single day that he was with us in a clear state, he asked about it. Going forward, that will be his legacy carrying forth through me. Just as when I sit to pen those questions and craft that piece on Exilia it will be for him, my fellow Italian.
My mom and her sister are now entering the next chapter of their lives. It's a bittersweet and painful journey. Saying good-bye to those you've loved for decades upon decades, those who molded you into who you would become is so damn hard. It's a day I dread myself. The day that both your parents are gone from this earth. It's part of life though. Part of the circle. If things play out in their natural states, we reach this chapter with a support team of those who love us and bring meaning to our lives around us. Not all of us have this though. Many of us are single and childless when we bury our parent(s). My mom and aunt have it better than most in that they can find meaning to life in their remaining family members.
What happens though to those who don't have anyone? No significant other to hold them at night through the grief, no children, grandchildren or pets to dote on. How do they hold on? How do they navigate the pain to find peace in it? I've learned that they do so through community and friendships. I've watched a few friends find family in their Tribe and give gratitude to their role in writing the next chapter of their lives. It has shown me that truly, the Universe will rise up to greet you exactly where you are. You just have to be open and ready to receive. I believe in you. I believe in our collective consciousness. I also know that no matter when we go home, all is as it should be, as we (on the other side when we planned this life) wanted it to be. We all come to learn. Trust in the story. Trust in the next chapter. You wrote it. Remember that. I love you.
Copyright ©2014 Nita Clewis All rights reserved. For personal use only. Commercial use without permission of the author is not allowed. Sharing with friends and family is warmly welcomed.
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