It used to be that I lived in a world where mornings were met with dread. Not because it was a new and glorious day to behold, no no, not for that. Not because I was sleep deprived or ill. No, I was well rested and often felt pretty good. Not even because I wasn't a morning person per say. I actually enjoy mornings. During that time period of my life I would cozy up to a warm cup of coffee and weather permitting, sit upon my side porch warming myself under the sun watching and listening to nature. I had rituals to my mornings. They were my sacred time.
However, despite all of this, mornings in my own home were met with absolute dread for a period of time. Dreaded because of the eggshells one was expected to walk upon when an old housemate greeted his day. The assertion was that chronic pain set the tone of the first one to two hours of tone for their day. Yes, this can be an absolute truth. However, not a truth for the person in question, when one would eventually learn he could go camping or four wheeling and be around others and act civil during those same waking hours. Even more so when hid own child would make observations that the animal in the home gets treated better and spoken to nicer than the humans during those same waking hours. Now if that observation isn't a wake up call I don't know what is.
As bad mornings would become the normal morning dynamic and months would turn into years I would learn that just as I had a choice how I processed those mornings, I also had a choice of dealing with them period. It wasn't just about me and my sanity anymore. It was about children, two of them. Funny how we will do that, urge us to do for another what we often won't do for ourselves. So I decided I would no longer negotiate my mornings in that way. I decided to change my expectations and in turn change my life. I can still remember standing at my coffee pot waiting for it to stop dripping while I bent and twisted twisty ties into a heart on the counter top. I remember smiling at my little creation affirming that this morning and every morning thereafter was going to be different.
While I could easily reflect on the time lost in that environment I instead have decided to focus on being grateful about it. Sometimes, even for a nanosecond, I feel bad about being grateful over having transcended that chapter of life. Alas, I do remember that there is no good or bad, there is just the experience. I decide how it plays out in the big picture.
Now I live a life that is rich and abundant in its good mornings. Not a day goes by that the Universe doesn't use someone in my life to remind me of this. I just realized it this last week when texting back and forth with a friend that my life is full of people who say those two little words....good morning. Talk about an Aha moment!
Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis
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