It used to be that I lived in a world where mornings were met with dread. Not because it was a new and glorious day to behold, no no, not for that. Not because I was sleep deprived or ill. No, I was well rested and often felt pretty good. Not even because I wasn't a morning person per say. I actually enjoy mornings. During that time period of my life I would cozy up to a warm cup of coffee and weather permitting, sit upon my side porch warming myself under the sun watching and listening to nature. I had rituals to my mornings. They were my sacred time.
However, despite all of this, mornings in my own home were met with absolute dread for a period of time. Dreaded because of the eggshells one was expected to walk upon when an old housemate greeted his day. The assertion was that chronic pain set the tone of the first one to two hours of tone for their day. Yes, this can be an absolute truth. However, not a truth for the person in question, when one would eventually learn he could go camping or four wheeling and be around others and act civil during those same waking hours. Even more so when hid own child would make observations that the animal in the home gets treated better and spoken to nicer than the humans during those same waking hours. Now if that observation isn't a wake up call I don't know what is.
As bad mornings would become the normal morning dynamic and months would turn into years I would learn that just as I had a choice how I processed those mornings, I also had a choice of dealing with them period. It wasn't just about me and my sanity anymore. It was about children, two of them. Funny how we will do that, urge us to do for another what we often won't do for ourselves. So I decided I would no longer negotiate my mornings in that way. I decided to change my expectations and in turn change my life. I can still remember standing at my coffee pot waiting for it to stop dripping while I bent and twisted twisty ties into a heart on the counter top. I remember smiling at my little creation affirming that this morning and every morning thereafter was going to be different.
While I could easily reflect on the time lost in that environment I instead have decided to focus on being grateful about it. Sometimes, even for a nanosecond, I feel bad about being grateful over having transcended that chapter of life. Alas, I do remember that there is no good or bad, there is just the experience. I decide how it plays out in the big picture.
Now I live a life that is rich and abundant in its good mornings. Not a day goes by that the Universe doesn't use someone in my life to remind me of this. I just realized it this last week when texting back and forth with a friend that my life is full of people who say those two little words....good morning. Talk about an Aha moment!
Copyright ©2011 Nita Clewis
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Thanks for sharing! Your experience, eventual epiphany and action, along with the reflection of that path highlights the truly simple yet extremely difficult understanding that demonstrates the control over regret or rejoice is always within our own hands.ReplyDelete
I too spent lesser days because I chose to cling to the fantasy of what once was and what should be rather than embrace the reality of what was. When two people come together what can be attained relies on what each person is willing to give. When I realized this the choice was clear and much easier!
Much good came from my path including much stronger ability to recognize takers and givers! Work to be a giver and surround yourself with givers to lead a happy life. And remember to be ever wary that takers innately seek and need givers. Seek, see, and accept the subtle signs that reveal the truth in people.
"All men and women are born, live suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about...
We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live." Joseph Epstein
Thank you so much for sharing. :) Means a lot.ReplyDelete